Collected quotes from people in my life

Me: "It's 8 o clock"
Tizz: "Sorry, I forgot that I'm too stupid to tell the time on the clock right in front of me"
Me: "You asked me to wake you up in half an hour. That was an hour ago."

Sebastian: "In England, do you eat the roast bitch at easter?"
Me: "Roast bitch?"
Sebastian: "Yes! Roast bitch! Like bitch and onion crisps"
Me: "You mean beef"
Sebastian: "Yes! The roast beef, you eat it at Easter?"
Me: "No, but sometimes we eat bitch..."

Krystian: "In Poland, to cure the cold, we drink a litre of Vodka. With paper."
Me: "Paper?"
Krystian: "Yeah, paper. You know, like salt and paper."
Me: "You mean pepper"
Krystian: "Yeah! Paper, pepper, is no difference really"

Krystian: "David. I have favour"
Me: "Sure, what?"
Krystian: "I have 40 degree favour"
Me: "40 degree fever? Tell Malcolm you need to go home"
Krystian: "No, I tell the Pete I have 40 degree favour, he not give me a warning."
Me: "He won't believe you have a 40 degree favour. It's pronounced fever."
Krystian: "Favouer. Fee-vor. Fee-ay-vor. Ok, got it."

Andrei: "Fawlty Towers is not funny. It's stupid. Why would you stay in a hotel like that? Honestly."

Dad: "Stelios is playing for Greece. Heh heh heh. Easy Winger."

Me: "Cheers for helping Graham"
Andrei: "If he didn't help, all he'd have to do would be drive around"
Me: "What, you mean, what truck drivers are paid for?"

Me: "Illona looks really ill"
Andrei: "Well no-one makes her sleep with Sebastian"

Me: "And this is the advantage of working at Somerfield. Two cute Polish girls looking hot in the bakery"
Andrei: "We have two Polish pigs doing nothing in the bakery actually Mr Dave."

Krystian via text after being away for 6 weeks without calling anyone: "...I realise I cannot come back to nights..."

Alejandra: "So I opened the envelope, and there was my ring, and my friend screamed at the top of her voice 'oh my god! you're engaged!' So because she was annoying me, when she went one way, I went the other."

Me: "Baby, Esperanto is a fictional language, it's made up, you cannot go to Esperanta for example..."
Alejandra: "Esperanto may be a made up language, but 200 million people speak it!"
Me: "Fine...wait..."
Alejandra: "Ok..."
Me: "Oh fantastic! Guiness book of records says that Klingon is the most widely spoken fictional language. Esperanto is made up, therefore fictional. More people speak Klingon than Esperanto!"
Alejandra: "I am still going to learn Esperanto..."
Me: "Fine, I am going to learn Simlish. The language of The Sims!"

Collected Taglines from The Index Page

1st September 2006: New and Improved. 21% less fat, 63% less sugar, 91% less salt, and now with added Rant. Ding Dong.