April 2005

30 April
The best there is at what I do on any given night
So, last night came. Essentially, the core of last night was always going to be Me versus John at putting cases of stock out. I should explain -

When I first joined nightshift over a year ago, John took me under his wing and trained me up. He taught me all his little tricks for getting things out quickly, developed from his years in retail. However, as with most master/pupil relationships, the pupil eventually becomes better than the master. With me, this happened after John left. So John has been hearing how incredibly fast I am in the first hour of the delivery and how I slow down afterwards.

He decided to take advantage of this. His first task for me was to empty one side of the warehouse onto the shop floor, put the stock out, then move it all back into the warehouse. Time consuming, exhausting, and it still didn't finish me off. So John tried to demoralise me by telling me he only did it to make sure I worked every last thing. I grinned and called him a b'stard. He was shocked at my new confidence and had no reply.

This is something else I need to explain. When John was training me, I was a quiet, shy, almost loner type. However, due to my experimentations with caffeine, natural anti depressants and mild natural sleeping tablets, I have become a hyperactive and eccentric individual who has near boundless energy until pushed to the limits.

Confused at my inability to tire, he set about making me clear another section. I did this a lot faster, confusing the hell out of him. So he decided to set me something more physical. Moving the cages from the lockup to the car park ready for the truck. I did this with consumate ease, then went for lunch.

And now I will reveal my secret. During my lunch I always take a Guarana tablet, a St John's Wort tablet, 2 multivitamins, a mild natural sleeping tablet, 3 Pro Plus and an energy drink (normally Red Devil or V). However, I didn't just want to beat John, I wanted to thrash him. Or to use my hyperactive "personality's" phrase - spank him. So I added something else to the mix - a bottle of Lucozade Hydroactive. A water designed for sportsmen to hydrate more efficiently, and increase endurance by 33%. Damn did it ever work. The Somerfield average is 45 cases an hour. John did 40-50. I did 75. So, pissed off at my efforts, John put me onto the drinks section. The single largest area of the store. I was still buzzing. I went on and did a 50 case an hour session. John? 30. During the second hour, John went on the offensive. When he corrected me on a mistake, he told me this was why he was number one. I laughed and said "number two". He laughed and asked who was above him. I grinned and said I was, stating that I was the best there was on any given night.

And this ladies and gentlemen is the perverse nature of John. Most managers would love workers who thrashed the average. Not John. You beat him, he takes it personally. You beat him, he'll punish you for it over and over again until you learn not to beat him. Shame my work personality has a bigger ego and is more arrogant that even John.

I should point out at this juncture that I do not have Scitzophrenia or Multiple Personality Disorder. I have chemically induced personalities. Certain combinations bring out stronger/weaker character traits. It works in the same way as alcohol. Some people are flirty drunks, others are talkative, others are violent. And different alcohols affect the same person in different ways. Bring out different traits. I do however name my personalities, but rarely refer to them in public as that name, only amongst my most trusted friends, and I would never call myself by the name I give the personality. I am always Dave. Example - Muse Creighton is one personality created by Guarana, St John's Wort, Pro Plus, vitamins, sleeping tablets and caffeine. Muse is just St John's Wort, sleeping tablets and caffeine. He's a creative, a poet. Creighton is Guarana and vitamins. He's a genius inventor, having ideas one after another. I fused them deliberately to see what happened. It ended up well! A hyperactive creative who craves coffee and nicotine, and only ever gets more hyperactive. Not even sleeping tablets can slow him down.

Anyway, I should sign off. This entry has gotten out of control! I am sure tomorrow I will write more about this really quite juvenile contest between me and John.

26 April
Life indeed can be fun...
Another happy hat day. We had an easy shift, we messed around quite a bit, had a few good laughs, and then we all went home.

However, I'm quite angry about one thing. I just watched GMTV and they had an article about changing childrens diets to help their ADHD and Autism "get better". I hate the false hope they pedal. "Eat this, this, this and this and you're kid's Autism will get better". What if it doesn't? Yes, Cod Liver Oil helps some but not all.

I also hate the fact that they put the one sided point that the kids want to be cured in the first place. Not all of us do. Not everyone wants to be "normal". I personally love my Aspergers, albeit mild. Cod Liver Oil works for me, but not as a cure, as a part of a combination of suppliments which raise my rate of thought up to that of a "normal" people whilst also increasing my co-ordination and creativity way beyond a "normal" person's.

25 April
I am drunk
As the title says, I am drunk. It's a good thing...I think. Tonight at work would have been hard, so that's a good thing I missed. However, tonight degenerated into madness. New barman at the Tripp who was trying so hard to be our friend because we're regulars and we spend lots at the bar. Was he getting a tip? Was he hell! You have big piercings in your ears and wear makeup...well done, you look so out of place in a little country pub that time forgot!

So how did tonight degenerate into madness? Well...everything was going smoothly until I got home! Then we just got mad drunk. I have pint glasses, I have rum, I have mixers. Am I going to combine the three? Damn right! We drank and drank and then drank one more. All whilst watching Denis Leary. If you haven't seen or haven't heard the man in action, then downlaod or buy something of his! He will offend you. I'm Irish, he's American Irish, he manages to offend! However, I was also breathless with laughter at the same time.

Anyway, back to the bar. We sat, we drank. We drank a glass of JD and coke every half hour, scaring the new barman half to death! Apart from not knowing who the hell he was, the fear of us drinking was a sign he was new. We already scared one barmaid off the roster! The Thomas Tripp is not a bad place to work I would imagine. Ok, Kat, she is insane, get used to it. Hannah, she's lairy as all hell when she's drunk. Chloe is just wierd and way too skinny, and Ash is a hippy. As for John the owner - possibly the best landlord in the whole of Lymington if you're staff or a regular. If not - you're getting yelled at when 10 minutes past throwing out time comes around. Ronnie and Johnny were on at the Tripp tonight, a country/folky/bluesy band. Not bad, just not what rocks my boat. Me and my friend spent the whole night discussing equal rights for the Neurodiverse (as opposed to Neurotypicals which if you're "normal", you fall into this group). Our conclusion? As we're smarter, haven't reached our full potential yet, and think more creatively, we should all come together, and overthrow the Neurotypical majority. Controversial? Yes. Common sense? Yes. You may view us as stupid, or retarded, or second class, but the bottom line is, we can see how things will play out in our minds. Those who think in words, not pictures can't. I'd love to hear what Mr Tony "ouch, this fence I'm sat on really hurts" Blair would say to that.

I've also got to mention a friend of mine who I heard died on Saturday. Rest in peace Mutley. You're in a far better place now. No-one knew his real name. Perhaps Mutley was his real name. I'm sure as hell going to miss him. Yes, he was an alcoholic, yes he was severely mentally disabled, but he was one of the nicest guys I have ever met and I can guarantee he will be missed. I remember once when I saw this group of 11th graders surrounding him, they grabbed his bottle of cider and were taunting him, telling him he had to grab it before they gave it back. As he jumped for it, they threw it across the park. I ran over, and told the leader to back off. He asked "if I wanted some". I told him to come pick on someone his own size. He told me he was going "to have me" so I shoved him and told him to bring it on. He repeated that he was going to have me, so I shoved him again and told him to bring it on if he was man enough. He walked away, saying I wasn't worth it. I sat with Mutley and asked if he was Ok. He told me he was fine and to leave him. Instead, I said we'd go to the local supermarket together and I'd get him another bottle of Cider. His face lit up and he proclaimed I must have been an angel. I went to the supermarket with him, all the time being worshipped as an angel and a saint by Mutley. I got a 6 pack of beers for myself and we sat together on the park bench drinking and talking. He said so many people attacked him daily, but so few stood up for him and very few fought for him. I told himk that I recognised him as someone like me, and now I was bigger and stronger, I stood up for people like us. He smiled and said the world was too short of people like me, and too full of people like them. Insightful for a man who many wrote off as an alcoholic huh? I told him that I came to town often, and as long as I was in town, I'd keep an eye on him. He told me that I was an absolute angel. We also talked about his parents, who were very rich, yet refused to let him into their mansion because he "didn't fit in". And instead allowed him to live in their shed. I told him that he should strike out on his own, get benefits to get a little place he could call home and to be independant of his family. He smiled and said that I must be an angel as I had all the answers. I patted him on the back and told him to just go out and be his own man. To do things in his own way.

I'm going to miss that guy being around. He was the kindest, sweetest guy I knew in my town, and this town, and this world is going to be worse without him. Anyway, time for me to go to bed. Enough controversy for one night...

24 April
Today I wear my happy hat!
Oh, life can throw up such interesting partnerships and alliances. Tonight's shift was easy. Always is. Saturdays I get paid more for doing far less. I'm planning on keeping things that way too.

Anyway, back to alliances! I was talking to Kay about what John said to me yesterday, and although me and Kay get on, we're not exactly buddies. We snipe and bitch at each other at least as much as we're nice to each other. Anyway, she suggested that I should take the comments John made higher. Interesting scenario. However, I've got a way to make it more interesting. Why play for small stakes at high odds when you can get far better odds on a high stakes bet. What John said yesterday may or may not have been a joke. Personally, knowing John as I do, I'd say it wasn't. But that was just 15 minutes. Imagine what things he'll come out with during the course of 8 hours! Especially as he plans to make my life hell. I like my job, but I hate all the stress that I get from it. I think it's time someone else was made to suffer, and I think that person is John. I know it's mean, selfish, vindictive and harsh - but then so am I sometimes.

I also informed Laura that I couldn't do tonight, which she took remarkably well and very calmly! En Tres Suprise. Normally she thwarts my every attempt to change days off, although more recently we've been getting on a lot better. I think apart from John, now so many Originals have left our store, The Originals are banding together more tightly than before. We're very much a dying breed. Out of the 30 people who started, only 8 are left. It's going to be a sad day when the last Original leaves. I'm hoping it'll be me.

23 April
Celebrity Wrestling Review
I had such high hopes for this show. It looked pretty good on the trailer.

The problem is, it wasn't good, but it wasn't too bad either. It was like hardcore Gladiators. Throwing 5 Kilo balls around. Hitting each other with bats, and avoiding being hit across the back by a 70 Kilo pendulum, slamming each other off a podium, and girls ripping clothes off each other. However, girls chained together running to turn lights on ringposts to their colour? "Steel Cage" switching lights on your opponents suit?

If anyone from ITV is reading this, this is how you can make the show much better:

Scrap these stupid events. Let's just have one on one, tag team and handicap wrestling matches between celebrities. Oh, actually, keep the event which basically amounts to a "bra and panties" match!
As much as I hate to say it...sack Rowdy Roddy Piper. Or give him better lines!
You have two pro wrestlers. Why not have them fight the celebrities?
Have to admit one thing though - seeing celebrities, or anyone bash the hell out of each other for real, not faked is brilliant! Let's just have proper matches, not hardcore Gladiators! Although, one request would be to have Hardcore matches. Yes, people will get hurt, but hey - it's celebrities! We watch The Games to see celebs get maimed and injured, why not see James Hewit smash Jeff Brazier across the head with a chair or a dustbin?

John is a tit
John was such a tit this morning. He asked me if Duncan was in, I said he wasn't and he replied that he'd hoped this meant he'd quit. He followed it up by saying that if I left, he would be a happy man. I told him that I was already looking for another job. He told me that it was good to see a member of staff with such a positive attitude. He followed up by saying that when he came back onto nights next friday and saturday, he's going to make my life a nightmare. I warned him it had been a year since he last worked on nights, and he was rusty. He said although he was rusty and twice my age, he'd work twice as fast as me. I told him that since it was 7am, I would go home. I went out the back and had a cigarette, and he followed me out, insisting that the facing up hadn't been done. I told him Lyndon had done it, and Lyndon told him that I had. He told me that if he was running the store, he'd fire everyone and he'd run it all himself. I told him that this was his dream, to run the store himself. I said if he did, it'd be fantastic, and bankrupt in a week. He said it'd be bankrupt because there would be so many customers that he'd never make any money. I left the store.

He's such a tit, and he's not going to know what hit him on Friday. His last experience of me was when I was new in the job, and could barely put out 30 cases an hour. Now my average is 60.

20 April
Life is bitter sweet
As the title says, life is bitter sweet. I missed out on a massive delivery on Monday night due to rearranged days off. Then I came into work and was told that I can't have any time off in December. Kinda scuppers my trip to Italy in December with Ale.

However, we then had a really easy delivery, which was completely out by 5am. We then went slightly mad. Too much caffeine, not much sleep, and nothing to do makes for a hyperactive, eccentric, and insane nightshift. Example - Tizzy put some Corned Beef in a pile of cakes, so I asked her if she thought it was a cake, even though it had Corned Beef in big letters on the side of the box. I also told her that maybe she thought it was a new type of cake, a Corned Beef Cake. She then collapsed in hysterics, begging me to stop, whilst pushing cardboard into a pile. I told her I really hoped they checked the CCTV tapes in the morning so they could see her collapsing, red faced, laughing so much she could barely breathe!

Back to the holiday problem. I've decided that I have to get out of Somerfield. Partly for my sanity, and partly because I need to get out of retail. It's rubbish. Every day, I put things from the warehouse, onto shelves, "finesse" the shelves, then put more onto the shelves, "finesse" some more, then go home exhausted, stressed or hyperactive. I could actually remove my brain, and still do the job! Hell, we could hire a team of circus monkeys to do the job I do. Actually, they probably wouldn't be allowed to work animals as hard as they work us. I need a job that challanges me, makes me use my brain, my creativity and my genius.

I still think that my business idea is the best way ahead. I've begun developing one of my ideas, and although it's only in the very basic stages, it's already seemingly invaluable. A working version will be quite incredible.

18 April
What is the point...
I am so angry...no...wait...I don't have enough energy to be angry...

Our stupid, moronic, idiot Depot managed to screw up again. This time on a big scale. Our delivery was 2 hours late! This left us with 3 hours to get 100 boxes of what was mostly un-needed stuff out each. Then the cute cleaner came in, again somewhat pissy at me, for reasons best known to her, as I've been nothing but nice to her ever since that abomination that was last Saturday.

Oh, and yesterday was pants too. Kay had a rant at me for not rotating some stuff she asked me to put out. Then Laura told her that I had Dyspraxia and that she had to apologise, which she did in due course. However, it wasn't Laura's place to tell her! So I decided to confirm Laura had told her, which she completely denied.

And to top today off, my webspace providers have billed me AGAIN for webspace I'm not using and don't want. No asking if I still want it, just renewing it without my permission. Assholes. The service they provide is very good, but I just don't want it anymore. Anyway, I've taken a couple of mild anti-depressants, I'll take a stronger one in a minute. Need to take the edge off today. I also have to go get some Echineccia and read through at least one of my 27 eBooks on NLP before I can go to bed, which will be fun when I ache everywhere, and just want to curl up into a little tiny ball and go to sleep.

12 April
I hate my job...
Well, today was a bundle of laughs. Brought into sharp focus why I have to make this business work, just so I can escape the unforgiving nightmare that is working for Somerfields.

Everything was going fine...we worked the warehouse quickly, we'd faced up, then we waited for the delivery, which was only an hour late! Nevermind...we still got everything out in an hour, which was 15 minutes faster than our boss would demand. Everything was back on track, until the boss shows up at 6:20am. He insists I walk around the store with him. So I do, and he points out everything that is wrong. At this point, I should explain that to him, if a stack of items on a shelf aren't all lined up, then he considers that it looks "like a shed". So after giving us a roasting about drinking coffee and reading papers on the shop floor when there was plenty of work to be done, he tells me that I am to spend the next 40 minutes facing up the entire store. Asshole.

Oh, and then there is Part 2 of my misery. If you read this blog in order, you'll know Hugh asked a cleaner at work for her number for me when I was out on Saturday. So today is the first day I see her back since the pub. No smiles as usual, no hello, instead of the "ohhhh, thanks! I need this!" when I gave her our 5:15am coffee I just got a kinda grunted "thanks". Also, for the rest of the shift, I got no smiles, and much avoidance. Now, I need to explain myself here. This girl is cute. I mean really cute. And I know I have a girlfriend, but, I really hate it when people either blank me, or can barely be bothered. Who knows what Hugh said. I'm guessing whatever he said, it wasn't good.

Sigh...so, at present, my life is a major downer. I hate my job, I'm not in Louise's good books. And to cap it all...I have no social life. Someone save me from this!

10 April
Saturdays are always wild...
Went to the Tripp last night. A mixture of a blessing and a curse! Got a phone call on the way there to tell me that a friend of mine, Hugh was going to be there. Hugh's a nice guy, sometimes it's hard to know if he's lying or telling the truth, but he's still a good guy. We sat, chatted, drank for a while whilst we listened to the band warm up. That was the whole reason to go! To listen to Roshambo, quite possibly the most electrifyingly good pub band on the south coast! So, while we waited for them to start, another friend of mine, Hewan came past and complimented me on my clothes and my hair, which made me feel even better about myself than I already was! Then the blessing and the curse came. Louise, the cute cleaner from work walked into the bar looking stunning. She flashed me a wide, genuine, very cute smile, then joined her friends. Hugh picked up on it from my equally wide smile. He got talking to me about her, about how I think she's cute but since I'm already dating someone, it's impossible. So then he jumps up, asks me to point her out to him, then vanishes. I watch him as he makes his way to her, has a 5 minute chat with lots of smiling from her, then returns with a grin and his mobile phone held aloft. I ask him what that was all about and he replies "I told her you fancy her, and that you wanted her number but you were too shy to ask, so I got it for you!" After much swearing at him, whilst very drunk, I put her number into my friend's phone and left it at that. Well...it should make Tuesday morning when I see her next very interesting!

So, now today I wake up, a head full of hangover, as well as a thousand questions. Will Louise be offended? Is it even her number? Did Hugh ask her out? Will she suddenly think I'm interested in her now? Of course, it could always work out the last time I showed some interest in someone at work - she now barely speaks to me and blanks me as often as possible!

As per the title of this entry, Saturday nights are always wild when I go out with my friends, especially Hugh! And we're doing it all over again tonight! But without Hugh!